My Childhood Experiences

My experiences started when i was very young. It was habitual, at nights before sleep, i would breathe and feel my whole body expanding and contracting. Please read about this in In Body and Breathing Awareness.

There was nothing mystical about it and i'd read nothing, i was very naive, i never learned basic biology, i didn't even realise we had lungs till i was 17 or 18.

The feeling of expansion and contraction would regularly lead to a loss of spacial sense, i would feel as big as the room or very very small, often as well, with a floating feeling. This was happening from at least age 10 or 11.

Now i know it was not just because of the breathing and the inner sense of touch, - i never analysed it - i was also subliminally aware with a sense of tasting, listening and visualisation inside my own body. I know this because i can recreate the same feeling by doing this. Also the actual sensation (even though i 'thought' i breathed into my belly) was as though i was breathing in and out through my skin, rather than my nose.

Over the years i've spoken with a number of teenagers, who lie on their backs and experience a similar sort of peace and completion, ... it's a 'just being' ... – and it seems to stop when 'real' life begins, with the multiplicity of wants, sex, work, learning, and being an adult.

So i believe that many younger (healthy, loved), children would naively experience something like this,

Around 14 or 15 yrs. old i was convinced that this experience and sensation was a feeling of reality and truth, far more interesting and realistic than anything i was meant to be learning in school, or from anywhere in our mainline culture. It was in the 1960s, so when i found Taoism and then Buddhism with their breathing exercises, i immediately felt the connection.

Unfortunately i started to lose the completion of the original feeling around this time, when i was 18 - 19. Our culture, or our egos or whatever has influenced even our understanding of these ancient teachings. All the sidetracks, the clever things 'honourable teachers' were suggesting, with so many fascinating astral worlds and chakras and hidden secrets to read about and experiment with; all of them so much more bright and attractive than those naive childhood experiences ... but really ... my original experience pre-18 was far more pure and real, simple and beautiful than almost anything i've learnt since.

I started remembering and reconnecting with these childhood experiences again about 12 years ago, ... by observing animals.

And, that's my story. I hope others, especially young people, can learn from my experience ... and spend a few of their next 50 years developing it.

Contact is welcome with anyone, but particularly anyone who else who remembers, or still has, such experiences.

Back to Chapter Six : Inner Body Awareness